An Open Letter to Men Who Love to Smash That Pussy
Enlighted Gentlemen, thank you for joining me! Pull up a comfy chair and a snuggly blanket and grab a delicious, fruity drink (because fuck #toxicmasculinity). In a moment's time I'll be morphing into a bobcat...
What to Do If the Next Decade in the Stock Market Totally Blows
Recently, the hotties* over at Vanguard said that they think that the stock market is probably going to suck some donkey dick in the next decade. (My words, not theirs.) And I tend to agree...
A Letter to Old Acquaintances Selling Me Lash Booster and Patterned Leggings
(Feel free to copy and paste as needed.) Dear Random Acquaintance from High School, Thank you for sliding into my DMs. I appreciate your compliments about my life and social media feed. Yes, I do...
Women’s Magazines: Breeding Insecurity and Selling You Cockroach Jizz
If you’re a woman who lives on Earth, you’ve spent plenty of time around magazines geared towards women. You know the ones: blaring titties from the checkout stand and promising the "50 Hottest Sex Tips...
Investing is Confusing: 3 Things You Might Be Getting Wrong (But I Still Love You)
Because I never shut the fuck up about investing, I have a lot of conversations with a lot of different people on the topic. Whether these conversations be with barstool strangers, friends, acquaintances, or a patron...
Is Traveling Just Materialism in a Clever Guise?
Most all popular online publications, especially those geared towards women, are reliable for one thing if nothing else: Listicles. Listicles are like the fireweed of online literature. They are pretty and appealing and are the...
The Self-Care Industry is Ripe for Parody; Let’s Talk About Real Self-Care
If I had the time, production budget, or any musical skill whatsoever, I would create one of those Saturday Night Live-style music video parodies about the state of the self-care industry. (You know the videos...
Avoiding Financial Regret: Grannies Give $$ Advice to Their Younger Selves
Floss, wear sunscreen, spend maximum time with loved ones, limit your social media time, eat kale EAT SO MUCH FUCKING KALE, boink as many people as possible before getting married, diversify your investment holdings. What...